**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
