I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
