He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
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the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
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Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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