I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
