I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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