did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
