You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
