Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
