my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
