Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
