Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
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i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
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do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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