i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
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He passed out mid-signature
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
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The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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