So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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