Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
