roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
