I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize
