So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
