I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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