Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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