Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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