Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
