So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize