I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
