woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
