just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
