omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i will never coherently bang her
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
