Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
