You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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