there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
