Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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