we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
