Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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