Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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