Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
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I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
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She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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