All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
