yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
