Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize