Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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