wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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