i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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