Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
