So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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