he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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