I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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