Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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