I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
