Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
