He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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