I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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