Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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