life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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