Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
