i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
