So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
