recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
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You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation