its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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