I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She made me pour olive oil on her.