Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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