please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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