Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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